Palo Palayok

I am more than enthusiastic to say that some doors are already closing on me in dealing with some of earth's inhabitants. I have been used and abused and hurt a couple of times but there is none much more poignant than being underestimated by your own kind. These are my own people, my own batch and my own friends. There are a number of them actually and it is not something that I am really proud of. I can never ever forget how they lured me into the world of Disneyland when it is in fact a dungeon of the lion.

They made me believe I am in a safe territory. They even made me believe that they are more than willing to wait for me but they just left me on my own. They practically left me to decipher everything and learn my lesson.  They did not even inform me that what they saw in me is someone else. They say right into my face that I am cool, I'm good and I am this and that. All the good stuff, but in fact I am some kind of a slut at the back of their minds. They are too nice to tell me what they think? They are a bunch of snub and judging individuals.

There was one person who made me believe about the past and he even made me believe that we are good to be together. I finally bid goodbye to someone special only to find out that this "century- old guy" is committed to someone. And what his friends did? They did a very good favor for me. They just told me that it is only me who can decide if I really wanted to pursue him. I thought they are my friends until that time where they just forget that I am a person with emotions. Honestly, I was actually expecting that at least they will tell me what they know about him. Blinded with what my heart can see, I pursued him and I failed. It is because I was not able to access the informed choice state and I say THANKS to my "so called friends". In the end, I realized that my "so called friends" sided with him because they are committed to the secrets of the fraternity in the midst of them. 



To demonstrate, the palayok is ME.



I was fooled, disillusioned, abused and stripped by my "so called friends". They never stopped by the way. Feeling as if we are really close, one of them told me recently that I was seen going with someone not fit for the society's norms. They did not even ask or clarify what they saw and just started rumors about me? How pathetic.

Then there was "Fast Cargo guy" who believed in the fact that he likes me eversince he knew me. He is one of those impatient individuals I've encountered in my life. He wanted to fast track things. And just because I don't want to respond to his professed "desire" to be his girlfriend, he went back to his ex and the rest is history! I don't have a problem with that because it is his choice. My problem is his attitude on how he dealt with me. He can't bring himself to pretend that at least he is nice to me. He is BRUTALLY honest eversince and he just can't wait! 

What I am trying to say is these people whom I really trusted made me a "palayok" in the "Palo Palayok" game. Adorned me first with nice colorful papers, ribbons, candies and even money. They made me look good, made me feel good and most of all put me in a very good position where they can hit me and smash me until I get broken and torn to pieces. And that is the end of it. They see themselves as winners.

  

All in all, they underestimated a woman like me. And all the more that they wanted to show me what they got, all the more that I am most willing to let loose of my true self.

Looking back, I would say I am glad they were unfair to me. I am more than happy that they dropped me right there and then. I am delighted that they used me. I am thankful that they even tried to break me and made me look like a fool. It is because they may have hit hard and broke me to pieces but they totally miss the part where I can truly show who I am without the candies and the colored papers and the money. JUST ME... trust, patience, attention, support, care, insights, learning, fun, affection, compassion, music, companionship ....... the list can go on.

There is only one chance and they blew it off.....

June 26, 2011